*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*

I have a super mega sleepy, I'm gunna have to sleep like suuuuuper soon else I'm not gunna be functional tomorrow in the slightest and I can feel Jakey's heartbeat on my right leg and it feels really weird.

Cough

I have one of those super annoying tickly coughs which suck epic amounts.

And my parentals are away so Smell and I are chillin' in the living room, she's on the Xbox playing splintercell with some dude and I'm listening to the Glee music I just downloaded for the second time and it's so very nice. We're both in our jammies with duvets and I have the added bonus of a Jakey on my feets <3

The horses had their jabs today and the vet made me cry cause I'm hormonal and he was being a dick.

Hmm...I got paid today! That was exciting, I apparently got paid from Cleanforce today too. Funsies.

W/e

I didn't blog last night because I didn't feel particularly well and by I didn't feel well, what I mean is I had some shit horrible flashbacks/body memories. I went to bed and by the time I got to sleep, it was about 3am. I felt rough as fuck. My body is so tired.

Oh. It's Jake and Zoey's birthday today, they're 1. Happy Birthday to them.

Hmm, I wanna watch Glee.

By jove.

I don't even know what that means!

We're watching Biggest Loser US and it's making me think. If these guys can get off their ass and lose all this weight, why the hell can't I get up and exercise? I don't have an excuse.

Eh, before I go all blerghy about weight. I will ramble instead, yay me.

Zoey's being spayed tomorrow so that could well be interesting lol she'll have a cone of shame and everything bless 'er.

I totally chilled in the sun today and it was really nice heh

Yeah...

Bah.

I'm sleepy, what's new?!

This is a dozed in the living room with dad about kinda sleepy, so it's pretty serious!

I have the dentist on Tuesday, both Panda and Mistry O.O

Zo's being spayed on Weds

Dvd day Thurs with my friends <3

I'm actually really excited and Dentist isn't freaking me out THAT much, weird huh?

Baff Time.

Today was baff time.

We washed the dogs who look stupid when they aren't poofy.

Then we did wee Jaffa.

Then Ellie and I had some bonding time while I bathed her :] she kept turning her head to watch me, it was really cute ^.^ When I was scraping the excess water off her she was grooming mum :D

I love me my moosey <3

Heh

First day of new work today, went well. May was a gay which means I'll have my job for a while :P

I'm still insanely sleepy! I had...oo a good 2 hours sleep last night

Jakey bit my thumb earlier and it bled so now I'm insanely urgy. But I have a bat shaped plaster on it.

I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble for looking at "bad" pictures.

Jake is chewing Ozzie on my lap o.o

Ew, I have work tomorrow. I'll have worked 7 days this week. Fail.

Meh.

Today I feel: Urgy as fuck
Why I feel like I do: Not a clue
What I'm going to do about it: Not SI?

So I feel like I've just been slapped in the face by an SI urge. It's insane. And it's making me feel really..unsafe.

I'mma do some training w/ Jakey soon as a distraction technique but not a lot is working, I'm really REALLY urgy ><

Erm, I'm doing a night shift on Tuesday heh then I'll only need £50.

Things I need to get Z:
1 x black shires tub water bucket
1 x tyre dinner bowl
1 x black hanging breakfast bowl
1 x black leadrope
1 x black rope headcollar (GOT)
1 x black haynet (not urgent)

I'm really excited to get him I'm focussing on him and not the shittiness in my life right now!

I might colour my hand in red soon or something idk I need to do something ><

Laters x

So hi.

Posting because I was told to :P

Parentals are on holiday. Coming back on Saturday night, not til late though. Might have another job coming 4-600 quid a month gotta give 'em a ring in the morning. Uhmmmmm I smell nice apparently lol. Puppies have fleas, I've been attacked -.-' Bug like to bite me apparently!
Watching Criminal Minds ^.^ Seen it before so I should go to bed but yeah lol..OH so I forgot it was that triggering. Yay.
Uhm, gotta lift home form Rach today cause it was raining and Smell and I looked ready to pass out apparently lol. Gotta go get PJ again in the morning :D
He's cute. I love him ^.^ He's settling in well he just don't like the roads lol
I'm sleepy, I didn't move last night lol

Hi Andyy! *waves*
Hi Batman! *waves*
Love you Little Fish *snuggles*

Big Fish,
Little Fish,
Cardboard Box.
Ohana.
<3xxxx

Lit'lun, I dunno if you're reading this, but I love you for always. Gunna get through this and gunna make it okay. We gotta, what else we got to live for? Love you Miss Lit'lun <3

Moo.

I couldn't think of a title...

I scared myself somewhat yesterday. I heard a strange noise while watching CSI and then I heard footsteps upstairs which I didn't recognise, followed by voices. I was terrified, shaking and my heart was going like the clappers. Although there was an explanation for it all it still scared me shitless.
The noise? Puppies.
The footsteps? Smell limping cause she had pins and needles in her leg.
The voices? Auditory hallucinations.
Scared me so much. I hate being downstairs at night. It took like 3 seconds to get up the stairs and into bed.

MissBatman.

Trying to remember how to stay sane.
I'm tired like crazy. And I want to sleep but I way to scared to sleep because I'll have a nasty-ass nightmare again.

Going riding tomorrow with Rachel and Leisha. I can't deal w/ children so Cam, Charlie or Izzy'll be out depending.

Gotta eat tonight cause I haven't for some and I'll get in trouble if I don't.

Dizzy.

Puppies are asleep under my chair.

MissBatman.

BigFishLittleFishCardboardBox<3
Ohana<3

Ze puppies.

Jake and Zoey are home. They're in their pen in the kitchen. Zo's screaming and Jake is ripping up newspaper..They're a great distraction and the littles love them.

99% sure have a new alter. My head feels like it's been smashed in by a hammer, remarkable painful. I'm hoping they'll do their thing soon so my head can try and recover. Uhm don't even wanna think about why they're here. I know why but I don't wanna think about it.





kindavaguelyremotelypossiblymaybesuicidalbutdontbemadthatisaiditkthx.

emailed samaritans...scared

eh

Keep regressing..don't remember anything when I come back. Just remember a vivid terrifying flashback nothing else. Not sure what's happening..think it might be Boo.
Might try and write up the flashback/nightmare tomorrow if I remember.

Finished school completely. Leavers was awesome. Hadda beer though wasn't so much by choice was Echo and I'd paid for it and didn't wanna waste it so I drunk the last quater while dancing. An my friend offered me half a warm beer so I hadda slurp and gave it back to her and it got passed around various people til Miles danced away with it.

Listening to "Stand my ground" by Within temptation.

Saw puppies today, they've grown, got some pictures but they move so much its hard to get a good picture.

Gunna go sleep.

Sorry Little Fish and Batman. Sorry am no good.

Mm..sorry.

Been away for a while. Spuddy was put down on Friday morning. I went with him and I watched him go. Watched his life drain away. His lungs were bleeding bad. When he went blood came out his nose and mouth. Was best choice. Miss him.

We're getting puppies. "To fill the hole." House is empty. When I come home, there's no Spuddy to greet me at the door. When Postie posts no Spuddy to bark at him. No Spuddy to say g'night to. Say I love him every night. Tell him good night. Ask God to keep him safe. Hope He listens. Just this once. I love my Spuddy and I always will.

Gotta make a card for Kyumi to say thank you. She cried when she put him down. Almost much as me and Dad.

Puppies are a boy and a girl. Jake and Zoey. Jake is mine and Zoey is Smell's. Get 'em in 25 days. Excited. But..scared. Scared Spuddy will think I'm replacing him.

Wanna SI. Been playing with blades when noone can see. Charlie stopped me hurting myself Friday night. Wish she hadn't.

Wanna go see Ellie. Calms my mind. Makes it shut up. Ghost's been bugging the boys. They get annoyed. Charlie gets annoyed. Charlie gets mad. Shouts. Scares us. Littles get shaky. So do I.

Gun play guitar.

Love you Little Fish. Love you Batman.
Sorry I'm not better than this.