Long time no post.

Soooo, we have a new alter. Cassilyn anywhere between 4 and 7. She's terrified, seems to be a protector..comes out when I'm in shit. Quinn's looking after her, she's doing really well heh.

Uhm, joined AMJ, kinda freaking us out a little, we keep going Co-Con which is like killing us. Keeping going plural ¬.¬
Plural'd on FB so Batman saved my ass!

Uh...Not a lot else to say?
Kinda been feeling low lately but yeah, not going into it. Sook keeps attacking people -.-'
She's got Dad twice and she hissed and bit smell earlier.

Big Fish
Little Fish
Cardboard Box

Ly.

need someone to talk to
someone who understands
need...someone
someone who cares
someone who can be bothered
just needa know
so low
sat with scalple in my hand
wanna use it so bad
wanna bleed
wanna die
wanna give up

justneedsomeonetohelpme

Title.

i feel so low right now
i just need someone to fucking talk to
theres noone
feel like i'm going to fucking cry
dont even know whats wrong
i wanna si
wanna hurt
wanna bleed
but i cant
ill be in trouble with people
more scared of being in trouble with friends than with dad
hate letting them down
hate making them feel disappointed in me
fucking crying
fucking fucking fucking hell
i dont think i can do this yknow

hadda gday yesterday an now..now its just shit

A cold wind blows
I am shivering
My body aches cause my heart is breaking
Wwhy is life making me hollow
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows
In the shadows
Hold on
Don't turn and walk away
Save me
And iI cry these words and nobody came
I'm all alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I try to get up
Stand on a plinth
But I came crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares
Nobody'ss there
Noone will hear
My side of the story.

Huzzah!

Mwahahaha.
Going to see Batman on Monday.
Gotta remember the confirmation code for my tickets.
Gotta remember my notepad and pen.
Gotta remember something to read to stop me throwing up.
Gotta remember my guitar, plec, capo and tuner!

Really excited but also shitting it cause I don't wanna dissociate and I don't wanna make a fool of myself..that said I always do that xD
Can bet Izz'll be out but she normally is when I have to talk to people
I also have to pretend I'm a lesbian and I have a girlfriend called Izzy o.o' Really don't need Izz coming out when she hears her name o.o'
Emmer was meanta be coming round on Monday but tuff :P
She still has my top -.-'

But yes...eeeee *bounce*

00.10 *SI Triggers*

s'10 past tomorrow
seeing clicker lady Wednesday
saw her today
saw alpacas, turkeys, horses, dogs, goats and geese
Geese.
scare me
hadda be social
hadda be happy go lucky
mask started slip
"are you okay"
yeah
"are you okay"
yes i'm fine
"are you okay"
yes i'm tired

am i really okay?
not even close
wanna si
wanna bleed
wanna burn
can visualise it all in my head
on the edge
feel like am barely holding on
gunna fall into flashbacks hard and fast
already got the body memories
the heightened gag reflex
phantom wrist and ankle pain
don't want flashbacks
don't want the suicidal feelings
don't want the suicidal thoughts
just don't want
struggling to function
can barely keep pretending

gunna be sick

Pain.

I'm in pain.
Srs pain.
Everywhere.
I want to be in water more than anything cause it can hold me up..providing I have a float cause I don't float. I sink cause of the muscle in my leg.
I've had no painkillers today because of yesterday and just breathing is painful. But they could be cause I got punched in the ribs, lulz.
MissBatmanicus.
I smashed my ankle against a door frame earlier.
Ow.
Joined AfterSilence today. Not gunna post my user..
Pandy's chat couldn't be more triggery if it tried.
Should go to bed soon cause it's late...2.13am.

Oops.

So yeaaah.
I'm in agony.
Pain beyond most things I've felt before.
My knees are burning.
My wrists are burning.
My ankle is burning.
My head is pounding.
And I think I got my numbers wrong and OD'd slightly.
I *think* I'm only meant to have like 5 in a day and I had 3 throughout the day for my head and 3 just now for the rest of me plus my head.
I don't think I did OD.
But it tasted like shit.
And I want it to work. Now.
And I probably shouldn't have had them on an empty stomach.
I haven't eaten properly for some.
And I'm hungry.
I want them to wooooork.
Wow. I'm shit dizzy.

Moo.

I couldn't think of a title...

I scared myself somewhat yesterday. I heard a strange noise while watching CSI and then I heard footsteps upstairs which I didn't recognise, followed by voices. I was terrified, shaking and my heart was going like the clappers. Although there was an explanation for it all it still scared me shitless.
The noise? Puppies.
The footsteps? Smell limping cause she had pins and needles in her leg.
The voices? Auditory hallucinations.
Scared me so much. I hate being downstairs at night. It took like 3 seconds to get up the stairs and into bed.

MissBatman.

Trying to remember how to stay sane.
I'm tired like crazy. And I want to sleep but I way to scared to sleep because I'll have a nasty-ass nightmare again.

Going riding tomorrow with Rachel and Leisha. I can't deal w/ children so Cam, Charlie or Izzy'll be out depending.

Gotta eat tonight cause I haven't for some and I'll get in trouble if I don't.

Dizzy.

Puppies are asleep under my chair.

MissBatman.

BigFishLittleFishCardboardBox<3
Ohana<3