2 days.

so i didn't do my srs post last night, honestly i'm not ready for it to be out yet.

uhm, thinking a lot and blergh i dont wanna but mm yes stuff

*le sigh* depression sucks
i feel so low right now it's unbelievable blergh.

eh, that's it. i might have another post laster but honestly i hope not

3 days

meh, struggling even more w/ ED stuff
really not wanting stuff in my mouth atm

really can't cope with people right now or anything

been thinking a lot about..stuff

need to post about what's triggered this shit tonight and i don't want to

mm body memory bye

4 days.

4 days.
Everything is ready.
All I'm missing is him!

I'm excited!

I've been mucking about on Crayola Digi-Board, s'awesome. S'keeping me distracted <3

I'm not looking forward to V-day, I don't want the memory. But I want Batman to be here.

Meh, still urgy.

I'm working:
Sunday 6th 1-6 £50
Wednesday 9th 7-9.30 £25
Sunday 13th 1-6 £50
Monday 14th 9pm-9.30am £125
Thursday 17th 1-6 £50
Sunday 20th 1-6 £50

So altogether I'll have...*opens calculator* £350 I owe mum 150 + 16.25 and then I'll have the rest. I will also have 190 from Dad.

I need to post about..It. Well. The It that's fucked me up recently. And the Valentine's It.

Meh.

Love ya x

Today

I'm struggling w/ the urgyness. And the ED. Mostly ED atm.

Uhm, I hurt my finger today which didn't help.

I went shopping for some horsey stuff for Z I don't need much now!

Ellie moved house! She's pissed and was screaming when we left, but she'll get over it.

Mm, sleep soon.

Love y'all. <- Look how American I am!

Beep.

sWent riding today. It wasn't as relaxing as it should've been. Danna was being a knob, kept running up behind Ellie and into her ass, she put up with it for a long time but finally snapped and lashed out and almost connected with Danna's foreleg. Then Cilla was being stupid on Lucy. I can't even go into it cause it'll annoy me.

I accidently lashed out at Smell. I was in Ellie's stable fighting with a body memory and she tapped me on the back, directly where I could feel him. I spun and struck out with my fist and only as my hand was about to connect did I see it was her, I managed to deflect a lot of the power but I still connected with her jaw. Feel guilty as shit but I wouldn't hurt her on purpose even though she drives me insane sometimes.

Jaffa jumped on my foot today ¬.¬ MASSIVE bruise and fuuuuuuck it hurts!

Erm, I'm still really urgy. Really struggling to keep myself from SI'ing and really fighting to stay grounded.

Ow. My foot hurts cause Jakey jumped on it -.-

Boop.

Soo, I'm still urgy, less so than before but yes.

Uhm, ED and I are having an arguments. It's winning currently. But y'know I'm trying.

I really really wanna SI.

I'm riding tomorrrrrrow though. So hopefully that'll help.

Mmmm, Tish SI'd when she was out -.-

Eh, I'mma like..sleep or something.

Februaryy

February 1st.
I have posted everyday :D

Okay, so I talked to Rach about some SI stuff and the fact I still have a blade in my phone :P

Erm, I found a cool song, "F**kin' perfect" by p!nk, but if you are not feeling safe please GAWD do not watch the video, it was like a wrecking ball in the face in terms of triggering.

Z's coming on the 9th, he'll be here before lunch time :)

Uhm, I have work tonight, I'm gunna take my guitar and some music and tabs and play some new songs. Er..I don't really wanna go to work cause I don't feel like I can be trusted to not do stupid stuff, heh.

And that's pretty much it, I'm only posting now cause I'll forget otherwise and then it'll ruin my fun times! I might take my novel w/ me, see if I can do some writing, though the chances are pretty much non existant.

So, laters, love ya x