Uh. Yeah.

Uhm, yeah. Dunno whatta say.
Toff's gone. Dead in the field yesterday morning. She was 27. She was fine Monday night Smell barebacked her out, said g'night like always, patted her on the bum and she kissed her too. Said see her tomorrow. Mick called early morning t'say she was dead in the field. Shelley found her like she found Bob. Feel sorry for her. Rach said it wasn't so much grieving over Toff but more grieving for Smell's loss. Smell's heart broken, she has no pets no more, not til we get puppies. Gunna be looking for a newie for her. She wantsa nother Chesnut. Gunna look at rehoming sights, see if we can get a young'un for her. Would like to help her work with a young horse. 5/6 years old I guess. Calm. Quiet. Relaxed. Nothing fizzy. Nothing fine. Not too heavy. Prolly a cob cross. Toff was Arab cross Welshie.
Reckon heartattack, she din't slip cause no signs of her struggling to get up. Never laid down cause she got stuck. El and Twig are lost without her, they walked to where she was found last night. Stood over the post and walked away together. They miss her. Their herd is down by one. Em an Dotty are confused she's not there. Donkeys keep looking for her. She was loved and will be missed.



Boo's been doing well. Kaelyn's in serious trouble. Fox is stressed with the littles. Kaelyn was second in command..now she's below Dougie cause of what happened between her and Flux. Jax was meanta be watching her but Sook and Skye started to fight and then Teeq and Sylva got involved to stop them and Jax hadda stop it. Sabrae helped him. When he got back to Kaelyn she was totally outta control. Flux played with her and she rose to his bait. She hassa regain her status. She's scared and feels lost. Wanna help her but she's gotta do it on her own.

Feel shit. Feel urgy. Feel lower than have felt in a while. Nothing makes me feel better. Need a distraction. Can't stand being in the house all day. Doing nothing. I don't like doing nothing. If I do nothing I can't sleep. Thunder earlier. Now it's raining. Hope there isn't Thunder tonight else I'mma not sleep at all. Hatehatehate Thunder. Loud. Scary. Unpredictable. Music can't drown it out. Window shaking. Dunno how to get through this. Dentist in 4 days. Puppies in 8. Smell breaks up in 6. Scared of going t'dentist. Don't want her hands in my mouth. Don't want her near me. Don't like the smell. The wait. The injections. Hurts. Even if it hurts am not gunna say cause means I havva have nother injection. Scared to be here. To be alive. Don't wanna be. Flashbacks keep taking me off guard. Be fine for ages then suddenly have one. Nightmares are worse than ever. Sleeping less than have for a long time. 2/3 hours at best.

Shouldn't say so much. S'bad.

LoveyouLittleFishforalways.<3