Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit

Yes, I know that phrase has been linked with ED's but that isn't the meaning I'm looking at. Well, not entirely.

Before I say anything, I don't want judgement. If you want to judge me, fuck off. To be frank.

I'm 19 years old and I am NOT a typical girl. I don't wear skirts, dress, heels etc. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to. I often see a top/skirt which I think looks amazing but I know I can't wear it. Why? Because of my body. I'm so insecure about it. Society tells us if you aren't thin you aren't good enough. We see models on the cat walk who are simply just bones. We hear the media slamming celebrities when god forbid they gain a quarter of an inch of "fat". And jesus christ don't have a baby because if you haven't lost the baby weight inside of 3 days it is officially the end of the world. I hate how society says we should be.

I hate that I feel under pressure and disgusting and gross because I'm overweight. and yes, I actually am.
I hate that I feel like I *have* to lose weight, regardless of how, but it has to be done quickly.
I hate that people can't accept that someone who is larger than size zero might be happy how they look.
I hate that people look at you in disgust because you aren't a walking skeleton.

Society doesn't dictate what we "should" look like. The media does. Society just fuels their bitchiness. Why should I feel bad for being "bigger"? Why can't I feel comfortable in my own skin?

I'm 19 years old and I loathe myself and my body. I can't stand to look at myself. I detest that I hide in baggy clothes because I don't want people to see me and be disgusted.

I have an ED. I'm anorexic. I'm not proud of it. I'm even less proud of some of the things it makes me do. "ED's are bad", according to society. But the fact it is them that drives thousands upon thousands of people towards them is irrelevant of course. If we weren't shown half naked men and women who are "perfect" and in shape and beautiful all the goddam time, we wouldn't have this much of a problem.

This reminds me of Tyler Durden.
I say, stop being perfect. I say, let's evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.

I hate that I can't accept me as I am until I fit societies idea of perfect.